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Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Hell i dunno where to start... it was suppose to be a good and quiet week.... but someone juz have to fuck it up as well as some group of people.... Man.... i used to believe in dis phrase: Honor, Duty, Respect, Pride, Dignity and Country... but with my life as a RP....i'm starting to have some doubts...

Dunno if any of my shift mates or commanders are reading dis but... seriously.... i'm losing it... and i can openly tell them dat i cant take it anymore... damn it... i'm surprise i was able to survive the past 1yr.... den again.... the commanders back then were different... oh man i missed those days... despite the thick schedule and the stress we suffered... life was good and more enjoyable den wat it is now...

haiz.... no doubt i'm loosing confident in my ability to carry on... as a RP not my life of course...still... i'll persevere... 9 mths... *nod* 9 mths.... lets see how it goes... One thing for sure... i maybe complaining now... but once i get down to work... i'll do my best an give my utmost attention to maintain wat is needed/required of the checkpoint. I'll persevere.... I'll persevere...

Feeling stress with recent events... and i am DAMN grateful dat i have great frens to tok to or to cheer me up... giving me hope to carry on... and my family... thou sometimes i'll get irritated by them*laugh*, they are oso a source of hope and light... I'm grateful... and thankful... so very thankful of them.... Thanks guys...

Dis will be a fast mth... and may it be a real fast and safe one... i dunno how i'll keep myself together but... definitely and surely... i will and must... Thou i can tell u'all its gonna be hard... no doubt about it... man dis feeling... it juz felt the same as the period of time i 1st came to my current camp...

Fear... remorse... sadness... sorrow

Now... i dunno, everything juz feel fucked... its like... i cant do anything now... juz work -> WoW -> eat and slp ->work -> WoW -> eat and slp........... and the cycle goes on with the occasional hang-outs wif family and frens... man... i really nid a quiet time... AND I MEAN REAL QUIET! NO INTERRUPTION! NO UNEASINESS! NO ANNOYING JACKASSES!

J-JUZ..EVEN JUZ ONE DAY! FOR ME TO REALLY QUIETLY SIT DOWN AND DO MY ESSENTIAL WORK!

MY DREAM!

I REALLY WAN DAT TIME!

SO WAT IF I HAD A WEEK OFF ON LEAVE?!?!?!

WE'RE STILL FUCKING PRONE TO BE CALLED BACK INTO THE FUCKING CAMP THANKS TO GLOBAL UNREST AND TERRORISM!

SO WAT IF I CAN TAKE OFF?

I'LL GET THE FEELING DAT I LEFT MY COMRADES TO SUFFER WHILE I REST!?

SO WAT IF I'VE 9 MTHS LEFT TO ORD?

I'LL STILL HAVE TO PUSH THRU THOSE DAMN OBSTACLES, LOOK AT THOSE DAMN FACES, TAKE SHIT SMACK RIGHT IN THE FACE BY THOSE DAT I'M PROTECTING, ENDURE THE IGNORANCE OF MY SHIFT MATES, ENDURE THE BLOODY PAINFUL REST TIME WHICH CAN BE EASILY INTERRUPTED, LOOKING AT THE NEW GUYS NOT GIVING A DAMN ABOUT ANYTHING!

U KNOW WAT DIS IS!!?!?

DIS IS FUCKED! FUCKED! U SEE DIS!? FUCKED!

FUCKING

F

U

C

K

FUCK!

NEVER B4 HAVE I FEEL SO ANGRY!

NEVER B4 HAVE I COMPLAINED SO MUCH!

NEVER B4 HAVE I-HAVE I-HAV-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

I CANT FUCKING TAKE IT ANYMORE MAN! SHIT IS GETTING MORE AND MORE OUT OF HAND!

SHIFTMATES DAT DUN FUCKING CARE! WHY? WHY?






WHY!?!?!?








.....haiz..... at.....at the very least.... it felt good to type it out...

or rather..... get these thoughts out of my head...

Dis has got to be another one of those long posts of mine... Dun wry people... I'm not really those type of people to endorse in negative thoughts... I'm mean.... They're so negative... It's seriously one of those turn-off feelings... And I dun like it...

Dats why i'm pissed when i have negative thoughts/feelings....

Anyway.... i guess i've to stop now... gotta go pack my stuff b4 i bk in...

See u all in the near future, or rather hear from me more in the future... Cheers

Prosecuted In The Dark Temple of Justice At [8:41 PM] Sharp.

/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*X*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\

About The Beholder

The Beholder

Name: [Its in the posts already]
Others: DJustice, DemNic, "07"Sev
School: Nanyang Polytechnic
Living In: Singapore



The Loyal

[reventing @ the moment]

The Heretics

[reventing @ the moment]

The Desired

[reventing @ the moment]

The Words

[reventing @ the moment]

An Entry's Wisdom IV

[reventing @ the moment]


The Seeds of Apocalypse

[.::._Here Lies The Walkers_.::.]

Brother Fred"38" Boss
Brother Heng
Sister Yani
Brother Yau


The Past

January 2006
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The Notable

[reventing @ the moment]

The Spoken

[.::._This Is Where The Judgement Starts_.::.]



[.::._This Is Where The Judgement Begins_.::.]

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